Forgiveness allows your brain to produce more oxytocin. Meaning, you have less fear of betrayal and more ability to move on from a hurtful situation. adverse thoughts and feelings that in turn, allow your physical being to heal.
We can benefit from forgiving even if the person we forgive isn’t aware of our feelings or is even no longer alive. Yet as you take steps to restore peace in your heart, you will feel a shift. Every act of forgiveness and letting go is an act of healing your own self.
The Healing Power Of Forgiveness
When we hold onto a resentment, grievance, shame, guilt, or pain from the past, our entire body-mind suffers. Our body produces excessive amounts of hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which over time can compromise our immune system, and potentially contribute to cardiovascular disease.
Hostility is an inflammatory emotion and, as researchers have found, the number one emotional risk factor for premature death from heart attacks and strokes. Hostility is also linked to autoimmune disorders. It’s not a coincidence that we speak of people “dying from a broken heart,” or describe a betrayal as “a stab in the back,” or say that a deep loss was “gut wrenching.”
As we’ve known for more than three decades, the body and mind are inextricably connected.
Fortunately, this body-mind is incredibly flexible, and when we let go of the emotional toxicity, our body immediately begins to return to homeostasis, which is a state of self-healing and self-regulation. On an emotional level, the benefits of forgiving and releasing the burden of judgment are valuable beyond compare. In forgiving, we free ourselves from attachments to the past, and we clear encumbrances that constrict our heart and accelerate the aging process.
When we lend our energy to forgiveness, we increase our capacity for compassion and love for everyone around us, including ourselves.
Forgiving, Not Condoning
It is common for people to resist forgiving someone out of the belief that forgiveness in some way condones that person’s actions. But forgiveness isn’t about condoning an action that caused pain for us or others. It doesn’t imply that we tolerate a thief who has stolen, our partner who has cheated, or the child who told a lie. We can forgive even if we refuse to tolerate someone’s behavior and no longer want that person to be part of our life.
Ultimately forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. We can benefit from forgiving even if the person we forgive isn’t aware of our feelings or is even no longer alive.
Consider the inspiring words of Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned by the South African government for 27 years, yet emerged without bitterness for his captors. He stated, “As I walked out the door toward my freedom I knew that if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind, I would still be in prison.”
Even knowing the value of forgiveness, many people doubt whether they will ever be able to forgive and fully let go. But rest assured, we all have the ability to forgive, for it is the nature of life to release toxicity and return back to wholeness.
At the same time, forgiveness often doesn’t happen in one fell swoop. Particularly in cases of deep violation, forgiveness is often a process that requires you to forgive one layer at a time. Sometimes you have to forgive someone many times before you finally let go of all the emotional residue of the past.
Yet as you take steps to restore peace in your heart, you will feel a shift. Every act of forgiveness and letting go is an act of healing your own self. As you practice it on a regular basis, you will feel lighter as you expand your capacity for flexibility, love and compassion.
Understand what forgiveness means
In some ways, it’s easier to understand forgiveness by talking about what it isn’t. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning what the person did, or that it would be OK for them to do it again. It doesn’t mean denying our own feelings of hurt, or that there should not be consequences for the offending person. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting that something painful happened, or having to reconcile with the offender.
Forgiveness means letting go of resentments that keep us tied to the wrong committed against us. It means to heal and move forward with life without allowing anger, hurt or unproductive rumination to waste too much of our mental or emotional energy. In this respect, forgiveness is as much (or more) for ourselves as it is for the other person or people.
Recognize the link between forgiveness and health
In recent years, significant research has looked into the concept of forgiveness and how it affects our health, both physical and emotional. The growing body of evidence indicates that forgiveness carries many potential health benefits, including lower blood pressure and heart rate, fewer episodes of depression and anxiety symptoms, improved function of the immune system, and lower risk of substance abuse and a reduction in chronic pain. Forgiveness tends to support healthier relationships and an improved sense of well-being.
Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is not always easy. It’s easier sometimes to think, “I’m right, so why should I forgive you?” So, we often may need to make a conscious decision to forgive.
There’s no right way or wrong way to approach forgiveness. Each of us needs to find what works best for ourselves. For some people, religious or spiritual beliefs will be their guide; for others, the memories of family will help teach forgiveness. We might need to learn new skills for forgiving and let go of past hurts. In truth, the act of forgiving is not necessarily a single event, but rather a process that takes time. Moving toward forgiveness can free us from the burden of anger, resentment and hurt that can push other people away. It can make us happier people.
Inspire yourself with stories of forgiveness
I have the privilege of hearing people’s stories. It never ceases to amaze me what some individuals endure in their lives — childhood abuse, domestic violence, having a loved one killed by a drunk driver, or losing a son or daughter to war. We humans go through a lot, and it takes a toll.
When I hear stories of profound forgiveness of what we might easily view as unforgivable, they teach me lessons about compassion, wisdom, kindness and making difficult choices for our own good. In this way, we can be inspired to forgive through stories of other people. The websites The Forgiveness Project and International Forgiveness Institute feature many inspirational stories of forgiveness.
