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Tag: Forgiving

Forgiving and Moving On

The motivation in “moving on” is to look forward, to get on with one’s own life, whether or not that includes the offending person.

So, forgiving and “moving on” are quite different in this: When you forgive, the focus is on the other; when you “move on,” the focus is on the self.

It is not necessarily a selfish act to “move on.” Yet, this act, by itself, is not likely to cleanse the person from a persistent resentment that can last for a very long time. It is in the reaching out to the other in forgiveness, even if reconciliation does not occur, that there is emotional healing for the one who extends the forgiveness.

Forgiving and “moving on” are related in this way: Once a person forgives by offering goodness to those who have not been good to the forgive, this aids the forgiver in now being able to move beyond the situation without rancor, without the disquieting resentment that can be hard to diminish.

As people forgive, they now can remember in new ways. When they think about the unjust treatment, they do not burn with anger or if they do, it is more easily reduced. When they think about the situation, they might feel some sadness rather than rage, some disappointment rather than hatred.

Forgiveness, in other words, actually helps a person “move on.”

On the other hand, if all a person is doing is “moving on,” this will not necessarily aid forgiveness because the injured person has put out of mind what happened, which can include no longer thinking about the other, which renders the motivation to forgive – to reach out to the other – unlikely.

For people to recover from severe unjust treatment, they often need stronger medicine than “moving on.” Communities need to see this and to make an important distinction between these two if people are to recover deeply and well from others’ mistreatment.

Forgiveness is a large part of the hope that underlies recovery in the context of unfair treatment from others.

What can you do today to help others?

One way to overcome monumental mistakes in your life, forgive yourself, and move forward, is to seek opportunities to help others.

What can you do to contribute something of yourself to your fellow man, woman, or child? How can you love thy neighbor and be of service to others?

When the focus shifts from a “me”-centric life, to one focused on being of service to others, some ground-altering shifts occur in the mind. It’s very real and exact, and you can feel it. That’s likely because we were meant to live a life where we help others.

There are simply so many people that are disadvantaged in this world. It’s easy to look down on them for whatever problem we might think they have. Drugs, alcohol, or any other form of addiction or self-detrimental behavior can create chaos, homelessness, and hopelessness. Being in that situation is scary. And each of us can play our part rather than walking right by or seemingly going about our days as if nothing else mattered.

What can you do to help others? Ask yourself that question every single morning. Today, what can you do to help someone else? There are millions of people who are struggling in this world. Not just in your country, but in other countries as well. And if you want to help someone else, you don’t have to look far.

In your neighborhood, maybe even on your street, there’s someone that needs your help. There’s someone that’s going through a very difficult time and maybe they’re too afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Seek them out anyhow and help them.

It’s far easier to move past all of our personal problems and worrying about forgiving ourselves for past mistakes when we’re focused on helping others. When you can become a true value to others in this world, that’s when some magical things begin to happen.

This isn’t about figuring out what you’ll get in return for doing something for someone else, or even shouting it from the mountaintops when you do charity work.

It’s about helping someone in silence and not having to campaign to others about what you did.

I offer you two day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Johannesburg, New York, London, Hong Kong, Singapore, Sydney, Melbourne, Los Angeles, Chicago, Ontario, ‎Dublin and Auckland.