A Course in Forgiveness by Gerald Crawford

I offer you a on-line and two day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Johannesburg, New York, London, Hong Kong, Singapore, Sydney, Melbourne, Los Angeles, Chicago, Ontario, ‎Dublin and Auckland. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.

How Forgiving Reduces Your Stress

Has someone ever wronged you, causing you to hold a grudge for weeks, months, or years? It’s understandable in many circumstances, especially when someone’s done something particularly harmful or life-altering to you.

Thinking about revenge might make you feel a little better in the short term. But ultimately, forgiveness leads to less stress and a greater inner peace for you.

How to Go About Forgiving

Achieving forgiveness can be easier in some circumstances than others. A small slight or insult might be pretty easy to forgive, especially if the transgressor is a good friend or family member.

When someone does something more harmful to you, it can be tough to reach a state of forgiveness.

Here are some things you can do to help get you there:

  • Think about the factors in the other person’s life that might have contributed to them acting, saying, or doing something hurtful to you. Almost always, the person who wronged you has been similarly hurt or otherwise taught the behavior. Alternatively, they could have acted out of jealousy or self-defense.
  • While you are thinking about what might have contributed to the other person’s actions, give some thought to the factors that are contributing to you taking offense or being upset by it. Of course, in some situations, there’s no other way for you to react, but for minor things, factors within yourself might be causing the issue to be more significant in your mind than it needs to be.
  • Try not to dwell on the transgression. When you allow yourself to do so, it can become more significant in your mind and result in even more hurt. That makes it harder to forgive.
  • Give up the notion of being right. There are always more than two sides to every story. Embrace your life’s experience for what it is – a series of events that help you learn and grow. Choose to let go of things that are holding you back from that learning and growing and embrace the peace that comes with doing so.

How to Forgive Yourself

When we are talking about forgiveness, it’s important to acknowledge that sometimes we all need to forgive ourselves for certain things. We can hold grudges against ourselves for a huge variety of issues, like missing opportunities, wronging other people, not saying the right things, or having specific personality characteristics we wish we didn’t have.

It’s as important to forgive yourself for these things as it is to forgive others for their transgressions against you. You can use the same steps listed above to forgive yourself.

A good behavioral therapist can help you both with forgiving others and with forgiving yourself. When you do so, you’ll experience more peace and less stress.

Start with Small Things

If you’re new to the business of forgiving and you have a lot of work to do on that front, start small and work your way up to large events in your life that you’re holding grudges about. Little things are easier to work through, so you’ll be able to achieve forgiveness faster. Not only that, but you’ll also be able to experience the stress-relief of these small forgivenesses, and that will help you continue on to bigger and more significant items on your list.

Try to Project Love

As you move forward in life after you’ve forgiven the things in your past that you’ve been holding onto, try to do so from a position of love and non-judgment. Remember that, the vast majority of the time, the way people act toward you has much more to do with their issues than it has to do with you.

Try not to take offense to things people say and do, but instead, focus on loving those around you and giving them room to make mistakes. Not only will that be a less stressful way for you to live, but it will also be an example for others to follow.

The health benefits of forgiveness by Mason Turner, MD

How do you define forgiveness?

Forgiveness is acknowledging that there’s been an offense committed against you and then choosing to let go of resentment you may feel towards the person or persons who hurt you. Forgiveness is not saying it was OK — it’s figuring out how to move on.

This can be simply deciding not to fume about someone cutting you off in traffic, or something more complicated, such as forgiving a spouse who was unfaithful.

What are some of the benefits of forgiving?

First, consider the costs of not forgiving. Not forgiving someone often leads to hostility towards that person, and your anger and bitterness can seep into other parts of your life. Hostility keeps levels of the stress hormone cortisol elevated in your body, which can trigger a whole range of bad outcomes, including high blood pressure, immune system issues and a tendency to gain weight.

Holding on to hostility also has psychological consequences. It can keep you feeling like a victim, prevent you from moving past a trauma, and lead to anxiety and depression.

Conversely, there’s strong research demonstrating that engaging in forgiveness reduces the cortisol circulating in your body, leading to many benefits, including lower blood pressure, cholesterol and heart attack risk, and better sleep. Forgiveness also helps you to regulate your stress response and reduce your overall level of anxiety and depression.

There’s also research showing that forgiveness increases happiness in the relationship where you offered forgiveness and beyond. I think this is because forgiveness often requires soul searching, and that process can help you be more present in other relationships.

How do you see the forgiveness process?

It can be easy to forgive someone quickly for a small offense, but if someone has committed a serious offense against you, the process may take months or even years. It’s not the act of saying words of forgiveness that is beneficial, it’s the intention behind the words.

Before you can forgive, it’s important to have processed or reflected on the offense. What happened, how did it make you feel, and how has the anger or hurt you’ve experienced affected you since?

It can be helpful to try to empathize. If you can put yourself in the shoes of the person who hurt you, you may better understand why they did what they did. This doesn’t excuse the offense or the offender, but it can help you see the person more as a human being who made a mistake.

Acknowledging that you have sometimes hurt other people and have been forgiven can also help you learn to forgive others.

What are some of the challenges of forgiving?

Forgiveness can be tough. You can go through the steps, but actually feeling real forgiveness can be extraordinarily difficult.

The good news is that forgiveness is a practice, so the more you practice the better you get. And the research is clear that forgiving someone can help you move on to live a happier, healthier life.

Ref:. https://wa-health.kaiserpermanente.org

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I offer you two day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Johannesburg, New York, London, Hong Kong, Singapore, Sydney, Melbourne, Los Angeles, Chicago, Ontario, ‎Dublin and Auckland.