Being your authentic self can provide a host of well-being benefits. Practicing self-awareness, being intentional, and vulnerability can help you live an authentic life.
We often hear the term “being authentic” bandied about, especially in terms of social media – where it’s easy to (quite literally) filter out the parts of ourselves and lives that we’re not so keen on.
Others may try to “people please” and inadvertently end up changing elements of themselves in an attempt to make others happy.
But not living authentically can impact your mental and physical well-being in the long term.
What does living authentically mean?
However, a common definition is that being authentic is living your life according to your own values and goals, rather than those of other people. Put simply, authenticity means you’re true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise.
Authenticity involves:
- being in tune with your values and passions
- being fulfilled
- navigating life with purpose
- prioritizing what brings you peace
- having tenacity and flexibility
Quotes about authenticity:
“No legacy is so rich as honesty.” – William Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings
“Be yourself – not the idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” – Henry David Thoreau
“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.” – Leo Buscaglia
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – Carl Jung
In the sleep state, most people are products of the environment they are born into. They tend to conform to the values of their cultures and happily go along with the kinds of lifestyles that are expected of them.
But awakened individuals tend to experience symptoms of spiritual awakening in which they are more autonomous and inner-directed. They feel less identified with their culture’s values; they are likely to reject them in favor of following their own impulses. They have greater confidence in their choices and preferences, and are more liable (partly because of their inner security) to stand by them, even in the face of ridicule or hostility. They live their lives according to their own sense of what is right, rather than trying to please others or doing what is expected of them.
People often realize that, prior to spiritual awakening, they weren’t really living their own lives but largely just following social conventions or trying to please other people.
But after awakening it becomes much more important for them to live authentically and follow their own impulses. Other people may see them as rebels or eccentrics because they’re liable to disregard social norms and trends. They’re likely to reject the consumerist and status-oriented values of their culture in favor of a life of simplicity. They have little interest in watching the latest popular television shows, acquiring the latest gadgets or goods, or trying to impress people with their appearance, their status, or their sophistication. Along with these spiritual awakening signs and symptoms, they may shock others with their unconventionality and their willingness to contradict consensus opinions.
How to live a more authentic life
Williams says that living more authentically takes effort, and “the process…involves a degree of patience.” But you can implement steps in your everyday life to start working toward this state of being.
1. Embrace silence
There’s so much going on in our lives, and different perspectives come at us from multiple angles. So it can be easy to lose track of what makes you, you, and get swept along with the crowd.
But setting aside quiet time to be with your thoughts can help you get back to your roots and recognize what’s important to you. As Williams explains: “Muting the noise can be a great way to connect with yourself and gain clarity about your path.”
2. Be self-aware
“When you’re talking to someone you care about, check in with yourself,” suggests Theran. “Are you glossing over what’s happening in your life? Or are you really communicating and being true to yourself?”
If you’re putting on a ‘front’ or not saying how you truly feel, consider what you could say instead. Also, take a moment to consider why you aren’t being totally honest.
3. Seek therapy
Being authentic is a complicated process. If you’ve been changing your behaviors or feelings to try and align with others, it can be hard to pick out what makes the real you.
If you’re someone who struggles with being or knowing your true self, therapy could be helpful.
4. Learn to be vulnerable
Sometimes, we don’t show our authentic selves because we’re afraid to be vulnerable. For some people, it can be hard or scary to open yourself up. However, she continues, that vulnerability can be rewarding. It can be a risk that’s worth taking.
If you feel safer with some people than others, try letting your walls down with them first. Receiving positive reactions could give you the confidence to be your authentic self more often.
5. Be intentional
Really consider “what and who you invest your time in,.
Do particular individuals or activities align with your core values, or are you making a commitment to them based on external expectations?
If you put on a ‘front’ or fake enjoyment when engaging with particular friends or activities, consider why you do so – and if there’s anything you could change to be more yourself.
6. Ask questions
It’s easier to be authentic when you genuinely feel connected with someone. Try to take the time to truly get to know them and help them better understand you.
In relationships, ask questions. Try to move beyond the surface and make significant connections with people around you.
Why is authenticity important for mental health?
Research has explored the role of authenticity in many areas of mental well-being and found that the two are closely related.
For instance, studies suggest being your authentic self can:
- reduce symptoms of depression
- access to happiness and joy
- aid in relieving stress
- increase self-esteem
- boost job satisfaction
- reduce anxiety about death
- lower risk of social anxiety disorder
- enhance relationships
Ways to Develop Authenticity
If you’re struggling to be more authentic, try incorporating these strategies.
Practice Mindfulness
The key to authenticity is developing the self-awareness to know who your truest self is. It’s tough to know that when you spend so much of your day trying to suppress your emotions and intuition, meet the expectations of others, or go after the goals you’re supposed to want. Mindfulness is a great way to bring your attention back to all of those things you’re suppressing.
If you’ve never tried it before, carve out just five minutes of your day to sit somewhere quiet, even if it’s just going out to sit in your car during your lunch break. Set a timer and then put away your phone. Close your eyes and just notice your physical and emotional state right now. Name the feelings and sensations but avoid trying to justify or explain or challenge them. Your mind is going to wander during this process. When it does, just notice that it did and bring it back to the exercise.
Over time, this exercise will help strengthen your self-awareness, so you’re more conscious of those moments when you’re behaving in ways that don’t align with your true self.
Define the Actions That Would Be Authentic
If you don’t feel like you’re being fully authentic right now, reflect on the specific actions or behaviors that come to mind as examples of that inauthenticity. Also reflect on what specific actions or behaviors would feel more authentic.
If you struggle with a mental illness, for example, maybe you’re avoiding treatment for fear of friends, family, or coworkers finding out. If you’re in an unhappy relationship, maybe you’ve been putting off confronting the fact that it might be time to end it. If you’re in a career you hate, maybe you’re ignoring the fact that it isn’t the right career path for you.
Once you can identify the key issues that make you feel inauthentic, you can start thinking about steps you can take to work toward being true to yourself. You might not be ready to take the leap of ending a relationship or making a career change, but you can find smaller steps that feel less intimidating and move you in the right direction. For example, step one might be just acknowledging that truth.
Find Ways to Act on Your Core Values and Beliefs
Use the self-awareness and reflection tips mentioned above to identify your core values and beliefs. Then, think of ways that you can act on those. If you care about animals, volunteer at a local animal shelter on weekends.
If you value independence, challenge yourself to learn a new DIY skill, like changing your car’s oil or fixing that wobbly chair leg. If you have a strong sense of justice, find a local organization working toward a cause you care about.
Stop and Reflect Before Making Decisions
One of the best ways to live more authentically is to get in the habit of reflecting before making an important decision. Important, in this case, means any decision that could impact your physical or mental wellbeing, including those that could conflict with your core values and beliefs.
Jot down the four components of authenticity described earlier and use that as a kind of blueprint for reflecting on the decision you’re currently facing and figuring out what the most authentic choice would be.
Don’t Shame Yourself for Surviving
If safeguarding your wellbeing and meeting your basic needs means masking or code-switching, as they sometimes do for people with mental illness or who belong to marginalized groups, do what you need to do to survive. Instead of directing that sense of shame or disappointment about being inauthentic at yourself, channel that energy into finding ways to reduce the need to be inauthentic.
If you’re in a hostile work environment, for example, start job hunting to try to find a more welcoming and inclusive workplace. If you face judgment from family, look for support groups, counseling, or online communities where you can get the nurturing and support you aren’t getting from the people closest to you.
Do what you need to do to survive, while always working toward creating a life where your survival no longer depends on hiding your truest self.
Being authentic involves being true to yourself in your relationships and everyday activities and not putting on a ‘front’ to be more socially accepted.
But levels of authenticity can vary between relationships – you might be more willing to show more of your true self with your best friend than with your boss, for example.
It’s important to remember that “there’s no quick or immediate fix to being more authentic! With plenty of patience and self-awareness, there’s no reason why you can’t start – and succeed – in your journey.
