A Course in Forgiveness by Gerald Crawford

We offer you a full day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, Kimberley, Johannesburg and Stellenbosch. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.

Category: Vulnerable (page 1 of 2)

What it Means to be Vulnerable?

Essentially what it all comes down to is whether they stick around when they see the worst of you. If they’re still there, you know you’re good.

Vulnerability means you fall easily. You see the best in people. You love them over the little things – the way their smile tilts and the intensity of their stare. You get attached easily, because you give yourself the freedom to feel.

Vulnerability means you’re comfortable opening up to other people. You’re willing to look someone in the eyes and spill your soul. You want others to know the authentic you instead of forcing a fake smile every time you enter the public eye.

Vulnerability means your mood can change in an instant. Seeing one sentence on social media can cause your heart to drop. It can ruin your entire day. Make you re-think everything you thought you knew about a person.

Vulnerability means you care deeply about things. You don’t want to lose what you have, because you love what you have. You love your life – or at least certain pieces of it. And you aren’t willing to loosen your grasp on them.

Vulnerability means that you’re willing to jump headfirst into love. You’re willing to give someone half your heart. To give them the power to destroy you or rebuild you.

Vulnerability means you’re comfortable crying over the things that upset you instead of pushing away all of your emotions. You’re the type of person that grabs a tissue and lets the tears fall instead of replacing your sadness with anger. You admit when you’re upset instead of trying to put on an act and appear strong when you’re secretly crumbling.

Vulnerability means you have nothing to hide. The people closest to you know about your dreams, your hopes, your fears. They know who you really are. You’ve given them permission to dig deep inside of yourself.

Vulnerability means you have a clear understanding of who you are as a person. You realize you’re not indestructible. You’re not superhuman. You’re mortal and full of flaws – but you’re still beautiful.

Vulnerability means having love for people you’ve never met. Realizing that you’re in communion with strangers across the globe. That you’re all connected because you share common thoughts and beliefs. That you’re not so alone after all.

Vulnerability means you have doubts. You think so highly of other people, of your friends and coworkers and parents, that you can’t stop yourself from comparing. It doesn’t mean you hate yourself – but it does mean that you see places where you can make improvements and try your hardest to do so.

Vulnerability means you admit when you’re wrong. You don’t pretend to know everything. You realize that you have a lot left to learn, and that there are so many people out there that can teach you more about the universe.

Vulnerability means having a huge heart. Caring about others. Wanting what’s best for the world.

Vulnerability means you’re human – so don’t you ever feel bad about shedding a single tear. About admitting that no, you’re not fine. About letting the truth out instead of spreading pretty lies.

Forgiveness is very important but also will be the most difficult thing you will ever do.

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Another definition (Merriam-Webster) is forgive: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone).

So why is it so hard sometimes to forgive? And do these definitions really align with what most of us think about when we hear the forgiveness?

To most of us, forgiveness is a really loaded word. Often, we consider forgiving someone as condoning or ignoring their bad behavior, sort of giving them a free pass. There could be an underlying fear that forgiving someone who has wronged us will simply send a message that they can get away with this kind of behavior. It can make us feel weak and spineless, as if we are giving up our power to the perpetrator. But take a look at the definitions above. Could it really be that the act of forgiveness can actually be both powerful and healing? I think so.

When another person hurts us, anger and vengefulness are in full force. Often, it can be all-consuming. These negative feelings can literally take over your entire outlook and send you into a gloom and desperation that can destroy friendships, and more. Anger towards a boss that wronged you can hold back your efforts to move on in your career. Vengefulness towards your ex-girlfriend can hinder you from having a new romantic relationship. Holding on to anger often turns to depression and even rage, neither of which are good for you physically or emotionally.

Rather than holding on to your faulty beliefs about what forgiveness really is, what if you could reframe your ideas about that, and focus on it actually being about you. Forgiveness does NOT mean you condone or accept the wrongs that were done unto you. Rather, it means you want to move on with your life and put these negative acts into the past, where they belong. It means you are ready to stop letting anger control you and your life, and take back some power and control over your own emotions and your life.

It’s the idea that you can forgive, but not forget.

As a matter of fact, it is extremely important that you DON’T forget the wrongs that have been done to you, even when you are ready to forgive. You must learn from these events, and know how to best protect yourself from getting hurt this way again. Learn what to look for, what the signs are, how you might have passively encouraged or tolerated the behavior by looking the other way. Of course, to fully engage in life, you will have to allow some vulnerability, but you will learn to protect yourself as best as you can.

Sometimes, it is helpful to see the perpetrator as flawed. Since we all do have flaws, and we all carry around the baggage of our own personal lives, ask yourself what might have been going on with this person that they chose to hurt you in this way. Perhaps he or she was in so much pain himself or herself that the only thing they knew how to do was send that pain to you by hurting you. Look deep inside to find empathy towards the person who hurt you. Do not condone their actions, but it’s okay to try to understand why they did what they did.

When you choose to forgive, you are choosing to heal yourself, your soul, and even a relationship. You are choosing happiness over holding on to anger. You are telling the other person that they no longer have control over your life and your emotions, that what they did to you was horrible, but you will not allow it to define you. They made a bad decision and must live with the consequences of that. If you’re forgiving your partner for something, then the burden is on them to prove that they’re actually worthy of your forgiveness. If they fail, you can choose to leave. After all, trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

At the end of the day, holding on to anger and being unwilling to forgive really can hinder your life. You deserve to be happy and not held captive by the things that have happened to you.

We offer you a full day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, Kimberley, Johannesburg and Stellenbosch. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.

Take back control. Try your best to let go of thoughts and feelings that are holding you back from enjoying your life to the fullest.

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We offer you a full day forgiveness course. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.