A Course in Forgiveness by Gerald Crawford

We offer you a full day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, Kimberley, Johannesburg and Stellenbosch. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.

Category: Healing (page 1 of 6)

Forgiveness is very important but also will be the most difficult thing you will ever do.

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Another definition (Merriam-Webster) is forgive: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone).

So why is it so hard sometimes to forgive? And do these definitions really align with what most of us think about when we hear the forgiveness?

To most of us, forgiveness is a really loaded word. Often, we consider forgiving someone as condoning or ignoring their bad behavior, sort of giving them a free pass. There could be an underlying fear that forgiving someone who has wronged us will simply send a message that they can get away with this kind of behavior. It can make us feel weak and spineless, as if we are giving up our power to the perpetrator. But take a look at the definitions above. Could it really be that the act of forgiveness can actually be both powerful and healing? I think so.

When another person hurts us, anger and vengefulness are in full force. Often, it can be all-consuming. These negative feelings can literally take over your entire outlook and send you into a gloom and desperation that can destroy friendships, and more. Anger towards a boss that wronged you can hold back your efforts to move on in your career. Vengefulness towards your ex-girlfriend can hinder you from having a new romantic relationship. Holding on to anger often turns to depression and even rage, neither of which are good for you physically or emotionally.

Rather than holding on to your faulty beliefs about what forgiveness really is, what if you could reframe your ideas about that, and focus on it actually being about you. Forgiveness does NOT mean you condone or accept the wrongs that were done unto you. Rather, it means you want to move on with your life and put these negative acts into the past, where they belong. It means you are ready to stop letting anger control you and your life, and take back some power and control over your own emotions and your life.

It’s the idea that you can forgive, but not forget.

As a matter of fact, it is extremely important that you DON’T forget the wrongs that have been done to you, even when you are ready to forgive. You must learn from these events, and know how to best protect yourself from getting hurt this way again. Learn what to look for, what the signs are, how you might have passively encouraged or tolerated the behavior by looking the other way. Of course, to fully engage in life, you will have to allow some vulnerability, but you will learn to protect yourself as best as you can.

Sometimes, it is helpful to see the perpetrator as flawed. Since we all do have flaws, and we all carry around the baggage of our own personal lives, ask yourself what might have been going on with this person that they chose to hurt you in this way. Perhaps he or she was in so much pain himself or herself that the only thing they knew how to do was send that pain to you by hurting you. Look deep inside to find empathy towards the person who hurt you. Do not condone their actions, but it’s okay to try to understand why they did what they did.

When you choose to forgive, you are choosing to heal yourself, your soul, and even a relationship. You are choosing happiness over holding on to anger. You are telling the other person that they no longer have control over your life and your emotions, that what they did to you was horrible, but you will not allow it to define you. They made a bad decision and must live with the consequences of that. If you’re forgiving your partner for something, then the burden is on them to prove that they’re actually worthy of your forgiveness. If they fail, you can choose to leave. After all, trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

At the end of the day, holding on to anger and being unwilling to forgive really can hinder your life. You deserve to be happy and not held captive by the things that have happened to you.

We offer you a full day forgiveness course in Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, Kimberley, Johannesburg and Stellenbosch. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.

Take back control. Try your best to let go of thoughts and feelings that are holding you back from enjoying your life to the fullest.

We have a lack of compassion in our world that is linked to emotional detachment

Lack of compassion: Hardhearted, unfeeling, devoid of feeling for others, merciless, unmerciful, having or showing no mercy and unsympathetic.

There is a direct link between a lack of Compassion and Emotional Detachment Disorder. 

Compassion is defined as a feeling of concern for the suffering of others (rather than experiencing distress in the face of the suffering of others.) Qualities of compassion are patience and wisdom; kindness and perseverance; warmth and resolve.

People lack normal empathy, or the ability to feel what others are feeling, when something has gone wrong in their brains. It might be the result of a genetic defect, or physical damage due to trauma, or a response to their environment.


In psychology, emotional detachment is the avoidance of emotional connections. It may be a temporary reaction to highly emotional circumstances or a chronic condition such as a depersonalization disorder.  As such it is a deliberate mental attitude which avoids engaging the emotions of others.

Emotions are part of the very thing that makes us human. We feel so much that when that feeling is missing it can be very hard to connect with others. Being able to feel the same things is an important part of empathizing and communicating with each other. Emotional detachment disorder has two meanings. The first is when someone avoids situations which may cause anxiety or overwhelming feelings as a way of coping. The second, it’s simply a way that some people maintain personal boundaries by setting themselves apart psychically when dealing with an emotionally demanding situation.

There are multiple different types of detachment, but emotional detachment is a purely mental disorder. A common misconception is that those with emotional detachment disorder are incapable of expressing and interpreting feelings when the truth is that they simply struggle to so they choose the easier path of avoiding it instead. Essentially, by not feeling, a person removes themselves from the situation, a protective measure that is usually learned from a traumatic experience.

When we are children, adults are seen as “all powerful” because they are in charge. If there is an abusive situation or one where the parent themselves cannot healthily express emotions they may also be a distant or disciplinary figure. A common example of this is in boys who cry. They are often censured and told that such expressions of emotion are unsightly and unacceptable, causing the boy to learn that he should not behave this way even if it is a healthy and normal expression of emotion.

In severe cases, patients can develop personality issues such as multiple personality disorder in an attempt to cope with their emotions by assigning them to “someone else.”

People with EDD usually have a strict upbringing with parents who are very restrictive and controlling. They will have dealt with extremes from their parent figures – alternatively being loved and then punished with extremes. There may have also been threats of abandonment, and some minor infractions that would have been ignored by peer parents could have elicited either severe punishment or abuse leading to a feeling that they were at fault specifically.

This would cause a child to start believing that their feelings were dangerous since the feelings of their parent are so unpredictable and so likely to mean punishment. This would lead to a gradual withdrawal from emotions since their emotional needs were likely not being met. The child would choose to break the emotional cycle by using the only power they had over the situation – withdrawing their emotions in an attempt to prevent future abuse.

Another cause of emotional detachment is high anxiety situations. Because anxiety is often linked to feelings of overwhelming situations that give similar feelings within the body create the same “shut off” response in an attempt for the psyche to save itself.

We offer you a full day forgiveness course in South Africa in Cape Town, Durban, Pretoria, Kimberley, Johannesburg and Stellenbosch. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.

Many people deal with crippling anxiety, but not everyone experiences emotional detachment disorder.

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We offer you a full day forgiveness course. Develop gratitude with grace and change your life with a universal truth.